Secret Valentine: Erika Karisawa

[unicornhunter]

Erika always went a bit crazy during holidays.

Maybe it was because she simply went crazy over so many things, be it the anime and manga she loved so or . . . her more creative pastimes she worked on with Walker. But she loved the excitement in the air when things like Halloween or Christmas came around, and it was the same with Valentine's Day.

Throughout the week leading up to Valentine's Day, Erika had saved up and shopped around for the chocolates she would give to everyone. But she wasn't going to be boring about it, oh no! She had very special plans for all this chocolate, and it just wasn't for eating!

The morning of Valentine's Day, she had woken up especially early. She placed her gift for Walker beside his head on her pillow. Giving it a little pat, she made sure the letter she had attached to it would be easily spotted.

And with that, she gallivanted off to spread her chocolates (and the plots that went with them) all over Ikebukuro.

Her first stops were Kadota and Togusa. She took out the spare key that she had stolen off of Togusa to get into his van, and she left her gift for him in the driver's seat, and she left her gift for Kadota in the passenger's seat - though she made it clear which was which.

When she was done there, she skipped off to Kida's house, put the chocolates at the doorstep, rung the doorbell, then ran off as fast as possible so he couldn't catch her.

Then she looked through the phone book to find Mikado's and Anri's houses. Luckily Mikado's name was so strange! His was the easiest to find. Anri wasn't too difficult after that.

She did the same to Mikado and Anri that she did with Kida. Then she checked off all the names she had already done, just to help her keep track of them all. Walker, Togusa, Kadota, Kida, Mikado, Anri.... That left Simon, Shizuo, and Izaya!

Simon was a bit difficult to give his chocolates to without him catching her. He could tell she was up to something; it really didn't help that her grin made her look like a plotting fox - though if Erika was to be honest with herself, it was Walker who resembled a fox the most. But she still managed it. Once his back was turned as he went to get her order, she placed the chocolates for him on her "table for one" and bolted.

She debated whether or not she should hunt down Shizuo first or just head to Izaya's office.... Izaya was both the easier option and probably the most difficult.... Oh, what to do, what to do?

[UndergroundGod]

Izaya had dragged himself out of bed that morning, not particularly looking forward to the day ahead. It was Valentine's Day, yet another meaningless holiday on the yearly calendar, one that he had barely had any reason to pay attention to in years and had since wished he could just forget about it.

In high school, Izaya had had a gaggle of girls following him around at all times. It was a fairly depressing group, mostly girls seeking danger and knowing that Izaya could be a good source of it. No matter how unconventional their interests had been, none of them were above tradition and so, every year in school, Izaya had been showered with chocolates. If he wasn't taking home at least ten boxes of the stuff, it was only because he had thrown some of it out (out of the view of his fan club, of course). Izaya had never been big on sweets or candy… but bittersweet chocolate, dark chocolate… that he couldn't turn down. The rest of it got passed off to his sisters.

Izaya always tried to play it off though. None of those girls had ever been special to him, so he accepted all of their chocolate with equal thanks, careful not to make any of them feel too special or too attached.

There was only one person Izaya had ever really felt attached to, after all, but he wasn't going to hold his breath expecting chocolates from Shizuo. That was stupid on so many levels, the least of which being that Shizuo was a boy.

Of course, that hadn't stopped Izaya from doing the very same thing. Every year since high school, Izaya had been slipping Shizuo an anonymous box of chocolates. Years ago, Izaya would sneak it into Shizuo's locker before school would start that day, and now it was simple enough just to have the chocolate delivered to his apartment. Izaya could never be sure if Shizuo ate the gifts (he knew Shizuo had a sweet tooth), and it was sort of stalkerish, Izaya supposed, but when had that ever stopped him from doing something?

Besides it wasn't like there was a line of girls waiting to give the terrifying Shizuo Heiwajima chocolates and Izaya just felt… bad about Shizuo not getting anything, even though, with how oblivious Shizuo was, he probably didn't even realize what day it was, much less why chocolates "randomly" appeared in front of his door from time to time.

His chocolates had already been delivered, with the standard blank card, early that morning, placed so that Shizuo would see them as soon as he got up and headed out. Izaya, meanwhile, was staring at his computer screen, absent-mindedly refreshing the Dollars message board page, waiting for updates. Namie had brought him a box of obligation chocolates, but Izaya didn't intend to eat them. Knowing Namie, she had probably poisoned them, or had at least booby-trapped them with an overdose of laxative or the like.

[unicornhunter]

Erika decided that she'd save Izaya for last. She did want to actually talk to him about how he was doing, so Shizuo first it was!

Again, she consulted the phone book to find out where he lived. It would probably be best to just go to his house and hope he was either still asleep or not at home.

She skipped on her merry way to his front door. As she knelt down to put her chocolates for him on the doorstep, her eyebrows flew up as she spotted a package of chocolates already there. She grinned. So Izaya put even more initiative into this kind of thing than she did! She allowed herself a tiny little squeal over it as she set her chocolates next to Izaya's, then rang the doorbell and ran.

If he had still been asleep, she didn't want to be around when he came to answer the door.

Her bag significantly lighter than it had been at the beginning of her Valentine's Day adventure, she hummed as she hop-scotched for Izaya's office.

Though it was quite a trip, she soon arrived at Izaya's, and she knocked cheerfully on the door, then she checked to make sure the chocolates for him weren't visible from inside her bag.

Then she heard him call her in, and she gleefully pushed the door open. "Good morning, Izayan!"

[UndergroundGod]

The Dollars boards, unfortunately, weren't very active during the morning, and Izaya soon got tired of refreshing the page with no new updates. He trailed away from that, checked his email (though there was nothing new), then moved on to playing minesweeper.

He beaten a few games of it when there was a knock on the door, and his camera revealed that it was Erika. He wasn't sure to feel relieved or doomed. They had been… somehow getting along over the past few months, keeping in contact and meeting with her for lunch from time to time, so she'd dropped by on occasion. When he was bored, it was nice to see her, of course, so it would normally be a relief for her to show up on a day like today… but she also had a nasty habit of mentioning him and Shizuo constantly, and with today being Valentine's Day…

Well, she already had something to set her on that train of thought, and Izaya didn't feel like dealing with that today, of all days.

Regardless, he called out for her to come in, leaving his game up and leaning back in his chair with a casual smile for her as he replied, "Morning."

[unicornhunter]

Erika walked over to the nice big comfy seat and plopped onto it, making cute, satisfied noises as she bounced slightly on the cushion.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Iza-Iza! How're you today? I saw those chocolates you left on Shizu-chan's doorstep! Who knew you could be so romantic~"

Erika set her bag beside her, then draped her upper half on the arm of the couch. She grinned at him, happy and confident that she was right. Everyone else was too scared of Shizuo, and Izaya and Shizuo were totally a thing! Though she wondered if that meant Shizuo sent him chocolates as well? Or would Shizuo give Izaya his gift on White Day, like Walker, Kadota, and Togusa would do something special for her on White Day? Hmmm, she'd have to give that some thought.

[UndergroundGod]

Of course, after her greeting, the first words out of her mouth were wishing him a happy Valentine's Day, though he'd yet to have such a thing, and certainly didn't expect that to change now.

And the next things she said was…

Taken by surprise, his heart throbbed unpleasantly and a soft blush jumped to his cheeks before he could stop it. The smile dropped from his lips and he looked back at his computer, clicking on a random button and exploding the game of minesweeper, just to appear distracted.

"What in the world are you talking about now?" he asked casually. How in the world could she know about the chocolates? What, had she… had she gone over to Shizuo's and seen the chocolates there? Had the tag actually had his name on it? His heart started pounding at that thought, overcome with a sudden sense of doom, at the idea that Shizuo might actually figure out who had been giving him Valentine's gifts every year, but he quickly reasoned with himself and talked himself out of a sudden panic. He paid with cash after all, and never gave his name. There was no way a sender would be mentioned to Shizuo, not if they didn't even know who the sender was…

[unicornhunter]

Erika gave Izaya a knowing look. "Just because your name wasn't anywhere on it doesn't mean I couldn't tell it was you, Izayan. But if you still want to play dumb, fine. It's not as though Shizu-chan won't find out later...."

She didn't have a death wish, but she was curious as to how Izaya would react to that.

Valentine's Day was her match-making day.

With each of the chocolates - with only Simon's as an exception - she had attached letters onto them, claiming that they were from people who weren't her. Kida's claimed to be from Mikado, Mikado's claimed to be from Anri, Anri's claimed to be from Kida, Walker's from Kadota, Kadota's from Chikage, Togusa's from Ruri (though if he couldn't see through that one, she'd be worried for his sanity), and on Shizuo's . . . well, it was obvious who she claimed that one to be from, wasn't it?

[UndergroundGod]

He felt a slight relief to hear that his name WASN'T on it, though he still found it weird that Erika would know that Shizuo had received chocolates at all. The only way would be if she passed by Shizuo's apartment before coming here, and seeing it in front of his door…

Though why she would go to Shizuo's apartment was another mystery. Unless… she was doing her own chocolate giving and was dropping off something for him? That was just silly though. Sure, girls could give chocolates to any male in their life, including friends, coworkers, etcetera, but… Shizuo fell into none of those categories. Of course, that didn't mean that Erika wouldn't give him something.

He wasn't sure what she meant about Shizuo finding out later, though the tone she said it in spoke volumes about mischief making and Izaya was internally a bit worried for just what might happen the rest of the day.

Either way, if he hadn't sent Shizuo chocolates (which he was going to firmly assert as long as he could), then he still wouldn't have any clue what she was babbling about, and he certainly wouldn't be worried by her words. Instead, he threw her a look with a raised eyebrow, claiming, "I still have no clue what you're talking about."

[unicornhunter]

Erika blinked. He really didn't? "Iza-Iza, I thought you were all 'I know everything about everybody.' It's not that hard to figure out, is it?" She pouted. Though this wasn't exactly the first time he hadn't known what she was talking about.... But usually, she was blabbering about anime or manga or cosplay, and that he had an excuse for not being too knowledgeable about. Just because he was an information broker didn't mean he knew a lot about otaku things, especially since he wasn't one himself....

But really, he did know her, right? She did this every year.... Was it just not that important for him to have learned about previously?

"I like match-making people on Valentine's Day. Though Dotachin, Yumacchi, and Subaru always figure out the chocolates are from me, no matter how I give them theirs. Even when I don't hand write them!" She pouted. Maybe they simply expected it from her and took it as hints that she wanted to see Walker and Kadota giving her fan service for White Day.... Which they never did. She pouted more. Boys weren't any fun sometimes.

[UndergroundGod]

He gave her a deadpanned stare as she asked him if it was really all that hard to figure out… and now he really didn't know what she was talking about. What was he supposed to be figuring? Had he been so busy trying to play innocent that she'd been hinting at something that he'd missed completely?

The idea suddenly made his heart pound. Just the thought of Erika playing "matchmaker" when Izaya knew all too well what match Erika believed in… But he didn't want to think that, about what she might have done, considering there might already be nothing he could do to stop it, nothing he could do to keep Shizuo from uncovering the can of worms that Erika might have potentially just opened.

Izaya took a deep breath, trying to remain calm, trying to keep himself from panicking as he tried to review their conversation in his head and determine just what she might have done, but even as he was piecing it together, he didn’t want to believe it until he heard Erika say the words and confessed to her horrendous act with word-ending potential.

"Erika," he asked her evenly, narrowing his eyes and looking at her with a deathly serious expression, "what did you do?"

[unicornhunter]

Erika knew better than to still be sitting when she broke the news to him, so she popped her legs up and catapulted herself off the couch. Grinning like a cat that caught the canary, she put her hands behind her back and leaned foward a bit.

"Well, I stopped by Shizu-chan's apartment before coming over here, and I had chocolates for him. I was just going to leave them and the note saying that they were from you on the doorstep, but then I saw yours sitting there. When I saw it wasn't labeled with your name or anything, I took my note from mine and stuck it onto your package, then rang the doorbell and bolted! I made sure to put my chocolates for him on top of yours, though, so it looks like you just gave him extra~"

If possible, her grin widened. "Now you two don't have to be so tsun-tsun all the time!"

[UndergroundGod]

His eyes were locked onto her as she jumped from her seat with enthusiasm, each millimeter her grin grew filling Izaya with a more profound terror, because he knew precisely what made Erika grin like that. He knew the things that went on in her head, in perhaps more detail than he would have ever liked to know. He'd always found her… enthusiasm that he and Shizuo were secretly a couple irritating, and perhaps hurtful… but he'd never before considered it dangerous, not until just this very moment.

Erika's reply was exactly as horrifying as he'd anticipated, though anticipating it didn't lessen the shock of hearing the words falling from her lips in what could only have been the most frightening arrangement of words that Izaya had ever heard used together in a set of sentences.

She had… gone to Shizuo's… and attached a card with his name on it to the chocolates he'd sent.

Immediately, his head sunk, he whispered a barely audible, "holy shit," and he buried his face in his hands to hide the expression of horror that had consumed it; he tried to take a deep breath, but damn near choked on it, finding that his chest and shoulders were suddenly shaking and that he couldn't stop it, couldn't stop the way his stomach was churning with acid like a storm at sea, couldn't stop the very powerful surge of nausea that washed over him at the thought of Shizuo finding those chocolates, finding that card with his name written there like the signature on a death certificate, because that's certainly what Izaya's fate was if Shizuo saw that.

And sure, Shizuo had always threatened to kill him, and would probably make no more vested an effort to do so now than he would have a week ago… but having Shizuo look at him with disgust, hearing the definitive words of rejection from his lips, words that Izaya had been specifically avoiding for nearly a decade just to avoid the shattering of the one faint dream he'd always had to fall back on…

After that, after learning for sure that there was no happy ending for him, would life even be worth living?

[unicornhunter]

Erika's grin slowly faded and turned into a frown as she watched Izaya fold into himself, face in his hands. Was . . . was his body shaking . . . ? She furrowed her eyebrows, getting worried. She hadn't ever seen Izaya like this before.... She didn't think anyone had, Izaya didn't show emotion to anyone....

She walked closer to the desk until she was right on the other side of it. She got on her knees, folded her arms on top of the desk, put her chin on top of his forearms, and tried to peer at Izaya's face - which was effectively covered by Izaya's hands. She couldn't even see the tip of his nose.

"Izaya . . . ? Are you . . . crying? Why are you doing that? You love Shizuo, he loves you. . . . Right?"

[UndergroundGod]

He could feel and hear Erika moving towards him, but it was almost an afterthought more than anything, something he subconsciously noticed, but couldn't force himself to pay attention to, not with the sound of the world crashing down around him consuming him completely.

What would he do? What COULD he do? Was it possible to make it over to Shizuo's in time to get that tag before Shizuo could find it… or was it already too late? It was already almost noon, Shizuo had probably found the package and the note already. He may have just regarded the whole things as a sick joke, but even still, that was no better than him taking it seriously. Rejection was the result no matter what, and it was that result that absolutely crushed Izaya.

Erika's voice, soft and concerned and slightly confused, broke into his thoughts suddenly, pulling him momentarily from the swirling pit of despair.

He just barely bit his tongue in time to stop himself from angrily spitting the word "idiot" at her. He'd told her, over and over, that there wasn't anything between him and Shizuo, but she never listened, and maybe she'd never been convinced because Izaya had been so damn evasive of the topic instead of just admitting exactly what his relationship to Shizuo was. Maybe, beneath it all, this was really his fault.

But right now, with his mind so utterly shattered by the impact of what she had done, Izaya could only do so much to force out the words to explain to her why she was incredibly not right.

"I…" he stuttered out, but then changed his mind as to how he wanted to start, "He… he doesn't… we're NOT…"

But those were the only words he managed before his shaking hands balled into tight fists in front of his face as he tried to stop the unfamiliar stinging he felt behind his eyelids by forcing himself to inhale deeply.

[unicornhunter]

Erika's eyes widened as Izaya failed to put together a sentence properly. He . . . he was trying not to sob. . . .

Watching Izaya break down was enough to break her own heart.

"Izaya...."

She stood up, then walked around the desk and knelt down next to him. She reached out and touched his shoulder.

"It - it'll be okay, Izaya. M-maybe he wasn't at home when I dropped by. Maybe he's still out and about working and we can go by there and take the tag off. Or if he has found it, I'll tell him it was all me, even though Dotachin told me no."

Even though I still think he loves you back.... But Erika wasn't stupid. She knew right then wasn't the time for her insisting that her ship was the OTP of Ikebukuro.

"C'mon." She tugged at his sleeve gently. "Don't give up yet.... I didn't . . . I thought you were just faking it because you don't want anyone to get close to you.... I wouldn't . . . if I thought it'd hurt you, I wouldn't have. . . ."

Tears were stinging her own eyes.

"I'm - I'm sorry, Izaya...."