Do Somethin'

[UndergroundGod]

That third glass of wine lasted just long enough for Izaya to finish the few pieces of food on his plate and to see Akabayashi walk through the door of the office, which was all of ten minutes. He'd never drank anything this fast before… but then again, he'd never been in the mood he was in, surrounded by a room full of tense companions who mostly wanted each other dead, and not in a joking way.

He'd never been so close to Shizuo without making the man chuck something heavy at him, which was an even stranger accomplishment.

He saw the red-haired man speak to Kida first. They spoke in hushed voices that Izaya couldn't hear over the other voices and the music, though the conversation seemed tired and serious. After speaking to the boy, Izaya saw the man heading for him, and he stood from his spot on the couch.

That was almost a mistake. Izaya stood up and almost sat right back down again, experiencing an unexpected and unpleasant head rush. He fought it back, forced the grin to his lip to return the man's greeting before the yakuza had left the room just as quickly as he'd come. Even still, Akabayashi's appearance at such an inconsequential event made Izaya think yet again that there was something more going on here, though he was still sure Kida wasn't going to tell him and he was getting to a point where he just didn't care. Unwilling to have an empty glass, he headed back over to the bar to fill it again, the bar unoccupied this time.

As he crossed the room back to the couch, Shinra called him over… and Izaya actually found the nerve to go towards him and ignore that helpless feeling that threatened to consume him at the sight of his friend in the wheelchair. He'd had just enough wine not to care, not to be hurt by it, getting to the point where he was as carefree as the drug Shinra was on had made the man… and as his friend ranted excitedly about a number of seemingly unrelated topics, Izaya grinned and laughed and nursed his wine.

His cheeks and lips were tingling and he remembered that, sometimes, being drunk could feel nice.

Of course, Izaya eventually finished that glass as well, his fourth, in what was less than an hour since he'd shown up and he still hated the thought of his glass being empty. Playfully messing up Shinra's hair, he excused himself to head back towards the bar again.

Shizuo was there again, making another drink it seemed, and this time Izaya was actually able to maintain a grin, though it was more carefree than the pointed smirk he normally wore and it was an obvious sign of just how little he cared about being sober. He still didn't really look at Shizuo, and still had nothing to say. Carefully, he poured himself another glass of wine before setting the bottle down and taking his full glass back again towards Shinra.

[tossingtrashcans]

Shizuo focused on talking to Simon when Shinra had called Izaya over to their little area. He excused himself and got up. After he dropped his glass off at the bar he wondered around and peeked into the bathroom. At least is smelt clean. He closed the door and sighed.

He stood at the mirror for a bit looking himself over. He reached up and pulled his bowtie off and slipped it into his pocket and then un buttoned the top two buttons before he washed his hands.

Once he was out of the bathroom he made his way over to the bar. He was set on mixing himself up another drink, his fourth... or was it his fifth? He really wasn't sure. He had noticed that they had slowly become more vodka, less apple. He set the bottle down just in time to look up and see Izaya walked over to him.

Nothing was said, he just stirred his drink, sniffed it added a little more vodka then capped the bottle, watching Izaya walk away.

There never had been a time in all the years that he'd known Izaya that he'd seen him like this. He was always so high alert and on it. He just didn't seem to care. Shizuo picked up the glass and took a drink, almost smiling like a idiot as he pulled the glass away. He set it down and watched Izaya a little more.

“What is going on with you?” he whispered to himself as he stood there behind the bar.

After a few more moments of watching the man he reached out and picked up a piece of food, popped it into his mouth, grabbed his glass and returned to the place he had been sitting. Chuckling when Simon mentioned his getting lost to the bathroom.

Shizuo glanced at Izaya as he brought his drink to his mouth, downing half of it before he set it down and nodded to something Simon said before looking back at the man.

[Deleted]

Kida watched as Shizuo and Izaya for a while with a frown. The two didn't really seem to be paying attention to the party around them so much as they were playing their little game of cat and mouse, only with their eyes. While one is looking away, the other was looking at him. It made him want to just yell at them to do something.

What was even worse was the fact that as this party dragged on (it was WELL past Shizuo's hour, a look at the clock told him), the...well, angrier he was feeling. He couldn't describe it, really. It was like Ran's presence mixed with the usual irritation of Izaya mixed with Shiki not being arsed enough to show up to his own protege's party to let him know he's cared about mixed with Mikage and Namie's general indifference mixed with Haruna's incessant chattering about a man who will never treat her right or deserve the love she has to give him mixed with everything else he was suffering from was driving crazy and he just wanted to scream at them all.

Why was nothing going right? Izaya had barely smiled since he got here, Shiki seemed to politely pull out by sending Akabayashi out, Shizuo still hasn't confronted Izaya so that they could start the intervention...Kida just wanted to throw something.

Which he did -- he picked a spot that nobody was even nearby and chucked his glass, grabbing at his head. Fucking really? Why was he the one killing the party mood? Now at the very least Mikage and Namie were staring at him. He wasn't even about to check with Izaya, Shizuo, Simon, or Saki. He was going to be so embarrassed in the morning.

"...Sorry, I'll clean that up in a minute. I need some fresh air or something," Kida joked, letting out what he hoped was a good natured laugh. "Guess maybe wine's not my drink, right?"

He stretched out, and stood, the rush immediately catching him and forcing him to sit back down. Fucking really? He was drunk already?

With a sigh, Kida got back up and made a bee line for the door, closing it behind him and leaning against the wall. Somebody was bound to check on him soon, but he didn;t exactly wanna be found right now. He headed to the roof and stared along the cityscape, with the lights sparkling like the stars did back in his hometown.

What was he saying? Ikebukuro and Shinjuku were the closest he ever felt to a home. Izaya was the closest thing he felt to an older brother. That's why this was going to hell. That's why Kida felt like he cared. Izaya fucking needed people for once in his life and only he and Shizuo had stepped up to the plate. They weren't even fucking trying down there. It wasn't even like the cliques, Kida could deal with cliques. He's broken enough of them up to have successfully protected Mikado from them.

Mikado...that was the last person Kida wanted to even be thinking about while he was in a bad mood. He didn't even care that his fist was gonna hurt in the morning, he punched the door and punched it hard enough to dent it. WHY was he thinking about that bastard right now?

He wasn't the same. He just wasn't. He fell into the dark and Izaya PROMISED him that he would watch him while he was gone and Izaya just let him fall to a point that Kida couldn't catch him. Even if he hasn't succeeded, Mikado contemplated murder and was acting through on it. He was acting more like a gang leader than he was an admin anymore, and this was wrong. Nothing about this was okay.

He dug out his phone, staring at the screen.

"You could've called, you know. I haven't changed my number."

"Couldn't. If I heard your voice my heart would have swung the unwanted direction."

Before he even knew it, he pressed the call button and pressed the phone to his ear, not surprised when he got voicemail.

"Listen, you can run all you want, but I'm still gonna be following you until you hear what I have to say. Delete this all you fucking want, I don't even care anymore. Mikado, you aren't the same person you used to be. You really aren't. The Mikado I know wouldn't be going around 'cleansing' anything. He wouldn't even call it that. You're acting like a fucking lunatic...."

Kida paused, and he wasn't sure for how long as he realized he was yelling. "...I just miss you. I miss your voice, I miss you rolling your eyes at me, I miss you laughing, I miss the way we would tease Anri-chan...Please, just...I don't blame you for wanting to avoid me, I mean it's my fault I wasn't there to catch you when you became this way. But Mikado, there's still time. It's too late for me, but it's not for you. I love you too much for you to get trapped in this life the way I have. You still have your future. Just... think of Anri. Think of the friends you haven't made yet. Think of your kids with Anri. Do you really want them to know this version of you?"

He sighed again. "I'm gonna hang up now. Just...think about what I said, if you even bothered listening to this."

He snapped his phone closed and sighed, leaning against the wall at the edge. Why was he being so fucking stupid?

[UndergroundGod]

Izaya drowned out the rest of the party, paying attention to Shinra, sitting with him, laughing softly at his loopy behavior and helping him take a round of meds to keep the pain away. For a while, it was nice to pretend they were young again, that Izaya wasn't chasing a monster (or was he being chased?) through the city, that he hadn't begun to lose his grip, that he hadn't been unable to stop Shinra from being injured…

If he could pretend, even for a little bit, that everything wasn't crashing down around him, smiling wasn't so hard.

He sipped the rest of his wine and had managed to finished it… when the sound of shattering glass whipped his head towards the source, his eyes landing on Kida. The boy tried to diffuse the situation by grinning, laughing, making an off-handed remark. Izaya doubted anyone was fooled, much less him. Izaya knew Kida much too well to think that it was an accident and that everything was okay.

His eyes watched the boy after that, watched him try to stand and fail, and stand again, before the boy headed right towards the door. Izaya waited a minute, excused himself from Shinra, and then followed the boy.

By the time Izaya entered the hallway, Kida had left, but it didn't take a genius to figure out where he had gone. Izaya took his time heading upstairs towards the roof. It would probably be best to give the boy a minute or two alone, at least, but Izaya didn't think it wise to leave him alone for too long. As he approached the top of the stairs, he heard the sound of something BANGing the door, the sound of a fist, as far as Izaya could tell. If he'd punched the door as hard as Izaya thought he did, his hand was going to look nasty in the morning.

A minute later, Izaya opened the door quietly, peeking out onto the roof and hearing Kida's voice raised in anger, yelling into his phone, apparently leaving a voice mail for… Mikado.

Izaya frowned a bit deeper as he stepped out onto the roof and listened to Kida's angry, drunken rambling. He closed the door slowly and silently, the soft click drowned out by the sound of rushing wind and Kida's yelling. Leaning back against the building, Izaya swallowed; it was cold outside, the wind carrying away the heat that the alcohol had brought to his cheeks and the temperature was sobering. He didn't know what to think as Kida tried drunkenly to tell his friend that there was room for him to escape what had already consumed Kida.

Though Izaya wasn't sure he could agree with that.

The word "love" made him shiver and he crossed his arms as his eyes found something interesting in the night sky, though the city was far too bright for more than a handful of stars.

Izaya watched the boy close the phone and slump against the wall. He waited a moment before approaching him, intentionally walking towards him loud enough to be heard, so as not to surprise the boy. Though he wasn't sure of what he was doing as he was doing it, he reached forward as he came up behind Kida, putting his hand lightly on his shoulder.

[Deleted]

For a minute, Kida realized what he was doing. He was being angry, drunk, and probably hurt. How he even got to the subject of his ex-friend didn't even makes sense to him; it just happened. He had called Mikado out of the blue to leave a message that Mikado would never listen to. Which was fine, because Kida knew the truth there.

But then the buzz set back in and he just didn't quite think he cared anymore. Who needed someone like Kida in their lives anyway? All he was was a fucking screw up anyway. Everyone he tried to protect, everyone he cared about...

Saki. Anri. Izaya. Mikado. When it truly counted, Kida couldn't save a single one of them.

The worst part was that he didn't even know why he couldn't. It was like every time he reached out, they were just out of reach and he couldn't do anything about it. Admittedly, yeah, the thought of disappearing was crossing his mind because in the end, that may just be safer than fighting this invisible creature in a vain attempt to keep Saika -- Anri -- from Jinnai.

What the hell was going on? How was it even possible to win like this when Kida didn't even know what face Jinnai would wear that week?

The steps barely registered, but the feeling of eyes on him he definitely felt, shiny topaz eyes, bright from booze and probably from emotions too, darted up until he saw Izaya standing in front of him.

Cautiously, Izaya had put his hand on Kida's shoulder, wordlessly. He didn't need to say anything, really. The conversation was already had.

How long have you been there?

Long enough.

Fuck, why didn't you stop me?

Someone needed to say it, why not the person who will get through to him?

I won't get through to him and you know it.

We'll see, Kida-kun.

And instead of doing anything else, yelling at Izaya for everything, pointing out that Kida knew his games, instead of doing what he should do...

Kida let his forehead drop against Izaya's shoulder, accepting what could have been false, could have been genuine comfort. He didn't care anymore. Just...he didn't. Why should he? This man was who Kida's life revolved around, so why should he hide any sign of weakness around him? Izaya wasn't some cold authority figure, he was human, just like everyone else, and probably needed the comfort of knowing that Kida viewed him as that. Not enough people ever did.

"...Sorry. Let's go back."

[UndergroundGod]

When Kida's gaze fell on him, Izaya returned it. His gaze remained steady (or as steady as it could have been considering how drunk he was), though he didn't know how he felt.

Without any words, he and Kida had a conversation. They were getting to a point where they didn't need words to know exactly what the other was thinking now anyway, and the alcohol only seemed to intensify the effect. Kida didn't need to ask what Izaya had heard or why he hadn't stopped the message; Izaya didn't need to explain why he had stood in the background and let it happen.

The boy's head fell forward against his shoulder and Izaya let out a soft breath.

In some ways, he and Kida were ridiculously alike. That might be why he felt he knew the boy so well, why he'd always found it so easy to tug his strings. The way he thought, his fears, his strengths and weaknesses, much of it was the same as Izaya and maybe it was that similarity that made Izaya feel so connected to the teen. Kida had the same concerns as he did about not being able to protect those he loved from the danger of the city.

Because, though he would be loath to admit it, Izaya did care about the boy. Somehow, Kida had squeezed his way beneath the umbrella of Izaya's care, next to Shinra and his sisters, Saki and Simon (and Shizuo). Months ago, Izaya had unintentionally found himself… worried for Kida, hoping to keep the boy out of true danger, while at the same time knowing that that was impossible and resolving that the only way to minimize Kida's risk was to give him direction. Specifically, a direction that would lead to the removal of the threat.

His hand moved without thinking, sitting lightly on the boy's head. Kida's hair was soft beneath his hand, warm, and a moment later the boy spoke up.

Izaya had nothing to say back. Part of him wanted to utter his own apology for nothing in particular, but for everything. Part of him wanted to offer false words, though he couldn't stand lying to Kida about that. Another part of him wanted to thank the boy, though he wasn't sure why. Yet another part of him just wanted to change the subject entirely and give the boy something to smile about, though there was so little to be happy about these days.

In the end, he said nothing, only moved his hand back to Kida's shoulder and turned to lead him back down to the office.

[Deleted]

Izaya hadn't said anything, so Kida figured the conversation about what happened was no longer, truly, necessary. They both knew not to say a word to anybody about it.

Going down stairs was a little bit more difficult than going up, and Kida had a death grip on the older man and the railing, just in case Izaya was just as fucked up as Kida felt. Was he wrong to have done that to Mikado? Was he back to square one here? Maybe this time he would just...listen. Yeah, that would be nice.

His grip had been pretty loose on Izaya, gradually getting looser after he realized that, yes, his hand probably was gonna hurt when he sobered up. But he had glass to pick up, he had a party to attend.

Soon, the door was being pushed in front of him and the room suddenly got quiet, save for the music. Laughing, the blond strolled in, finding the wall where his glass has shattered and started to grab the pieces, greeting everyone in a cheery voice.

Really, he didn't notice anything that could be considered weird at first, aside from the fact that Mikage was stretching his tricep, not saying a word. Finally, thee blond turned around to notie that everyone was looking decently confused.

"....what's going on?" he ventured.

[Deleted]

When Masaomi had first mentioned the party to Saki, she'd thought it was an excellent idea. Being so close to Izaya for so long, she'd come to learn how to read his subtle (and not so subtle) moods, and she knew as well as Masaomi that the man she's once considered a god was… not in a good place. She could tell he was sad, lonely, that he couldn't have seen the people that were there for him because he'd never trusted or had faith in anyone but himself. More than that, he probably didn't believe that anyone was really capable of helping him anyway or that anyone would even want to stay by his side after everything he'd done.

For once though, Izaya was wrong, and it was more or less Masaomi's goal to prove that to him.

The party started off a lot better than Saki had expected, anyway. Considering the people Masaomi had invited, Saki knew it was a powder keg of potential conflict and she'd expected a number of explosions before Izaya even showed up. She suspected it was only a combination of Masaomi's efforts and Simon's presence that kept things from devolving into the likes of a barroom brawl.

Saki had a single glass of wine the entire evening, suspecting that a few people at the party should remain sober (and seeing that Masaomi was drinking enough for the both of them), and she made an attempt to keep her boyfriend in a good mood… but his hopes had been that Shizuo and Izaya would talk to one another, considering that they all knew exactly what Shizuo meant to Izaya and Masaomi suspected that if the two of them could just interact, it would end up giving Izaya something to be very happy about. So, the longer the two of them avoided each other, the more they watched each other from across the room back and forth, the more irritated Masaomi became. The boy had gotten away from her when he finally lost it and chucked his glass at the wall.

She had been about to follow him out of the office when she saw Izaya go after him, deciding to let the man handle it. It'd probably give him a sense of purpose or something, bringing Masaomi back down to the party, so it was better to let him go.

However it was hardly a minute after the two left the room that Ran hopped up from his seat on the couch with a devilish look in his eyes, headed for the door. As far as Saki was concerned, the man might as well have been yelling that he was up to no good and she immediately moved to intercept his path, blocking the door. Though she was hardly a force to be reckoned with, all it took was one threat on her wellbeing from the filth for Mikage to jump up on her behalf. The two were well on their way to a fisticuff when Simon final stepped in. He pulled them apart and knocked Ran easily to the floor, hard, breaking up the fight and lingering near Ran, as if daring him to stand back up and try something.

A few minutes later, Masaomi and Izaya returned, staggering back into the room together, and as Masaomi moved towards where the broken glass lay on the floor, Saki moved to his side in time to answer his question, "Ran tried to go after you when you left, probably to start something. Mikage and Simon took care of it."

[UndergroundGod]

Their trek back down the stairs was quiet and slow and it took going down for Izaya to realize how intoxicated he actually was. Not only because maintaining his balance and not toppling forward with every step suddenly felt worthy of an Olympic gold medal, but because he was almost certain that Kida was cutting off circulation to his arm, though it didn't hurt in the least. He KNEW it should but… there was just a strange tingling, pressure, and the warmth of Kida next to him, but not a bit of pain.

Yeah, he was wasted. Laughing so cheerily at Shinra's drugged ranting should have been evidence of that, but it took this difficult series of movements to really make him notice how hard it was to keep upright, and notice the way his lips were tingling and his face felt warm and numb. Being drunk wasn't a common sensation for him and when he was sober he hated to think about how little control he had when drinking… but being drunk didn't give him that sort of discretion and he suddenly found himself wondering why he didn't just drink more often considering how carefree he felt right then. It was certainly a lot easier than the heavy stress he'd felt so much of recently.

Eventually, Kida's grip on him relaxed and the two of them reentered the room, though the atmosphere seemed strange and it took Izaya a moment to notice Ran propped in a corner, looking trumped. He wondered vaguely what had occurred in their absence, but on second thought wasn't sure how much he actually cared.